Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
