It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
