bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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