I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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