I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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