I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
