They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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