ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
