It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
