wanna go halves on a baby?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
