I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
