why didn't you poke me back
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
