ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
