You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
