I puked a lego.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize