I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
