You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
