I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
