birth control should be required to get into college
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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