whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She bit a glass in half.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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