girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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