People in love make me want to vomit
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
