Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
