Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
