I just made out with a guy for $7.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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