Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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