Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
