it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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