We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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