I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
People in love make me want to vomit
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
