I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
