I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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