i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
