My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
