how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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