Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
