just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
