Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
