i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
