Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
from now on my penis is your penis
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
