Yo dont text me then not text me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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