i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
