I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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