K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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