Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
