Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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