im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
