This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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