Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
