I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
