I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
