It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
